i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
