we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize