sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
