I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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