what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
