yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
