i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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