Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
