so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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