All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
