If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
