it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
