You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
