Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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