I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
