Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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