I never want to see another naked old woman again.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
