Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
