alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
