Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
