Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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