She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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