the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
