Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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