I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
