Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
