Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
im holly from the hills drunk
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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