I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
