i was rollin on her like bob the builder
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
