I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Randomize
