btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
