The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
