This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
