I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's blow job season.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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