You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize