Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
