Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
