I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Someone shit on the floor
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
