who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
