Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
