What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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