dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
