your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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