Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
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I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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