He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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