He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Still dying that you shit outside
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
