He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
