i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
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I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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