Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
