So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
