I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think a kid would responsible me up
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
