Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?