wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
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I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
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Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.