How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
