Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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