the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
