wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
