Just took my morning after pill in the library
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
